This month I am for sure riding the emotional one.
Watching my youngest daughter (my middle child) graduate from the police academy as a corrections officer. Wow...Sooooooooo proud of her. She is not a little girl anymore. She worked so hard to accomplish her goal and she did it. What a high....but the low was the empty seat her daddy should have been sitting in. Though I am sure if there was a way for our angel to stop what he was doing and watch from above....he did. First and foremost he loved his kids and was an incredible father. But her 6'4 baby brother was there with me and that sure helped.
Speaking of my baby boy, he just got a promotion to manager at the Pizza place where he works. And will soon be working 2 jobs to save up for a car and is looking forward to the changes ahead in his life. I am very proud of him, and know his daddy is too. The low was again....no one to share that with.....the seat was empty.
Cody and I have been living with my oldest daughter Nicole and her family for the last 6 months. It has been such a joy to see her grow as a mom and wife. And to get to spend so much fun quality time with my granddaughter Paige. Her laughter can chase away all my blues. Sure wish her grandpa was here to see just how much she is like him. She definitely has his sense of humor.
Cody and I are making arrangements to move. It is a high to move forward, but the low is the reality I had to face about my marriage. It just couldn't be saved and so many hearts were hurt by it.
As my heart grieves for two different men and two different kinds of love and relationships, I know that even though the ride has been sooooo bumpy at times. And I wanted to (and probably did) scream to LET ME OFF....I am still here. Still putting one foot in front of the other. Still doing my best to carry on and move forward with some kind of life that brings me joy. Still making mistakes....but learning from them a little faster these days. Not taking love, family or friendship for granted in any way. Still thankful for my blessing even the ones that I don't always see and others have to point out to me. Still plugging along. I might not always have a song in my heart....heck we all have bad days. But I do try to at least hum once a day...LOL
I am human...I struggle, I have bad days, and mad days and some really sad days. But I also have good days and even some great days. I have the best kids, the best family, the best friends, and a relationship with God and Jesus Christ. The rest is just stuff!
So as I get ready to take the next step in this journey I will pray for the strength to get through the gray days and to be humble enough to thank my Heavenly Father for ALL of my days. Eternally grateful for my children and grandchildren. For the many true, loving and lasting relationships/friendships I have in my life. For the lessons I have learned riding that oh so scary roller coaster of life. So for now the seat beside me remains empty. And I am pretty sure it will remain that way. Life is a bit easier with a co-polite but I have hit the runway alone before and I can do it again.
Got to go now and buckle in for the next ride.....bumpy or not I will hang on and see where the tracks take me.
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