WOW....What a year 2013 was!!!! So many ups and downs. Many more downs than I wanted of course but there were a few bright spots. I will be thankful for them and move forward into the new year with joy and hope in my heart for many more of those wonderful moments.
I am going to have to do some very hard things this year...coming out of my comfort zone to achieve them will be the hardest of the hard. I am a creature of habit. I don't like change. I am one of those that likes when things just go along. But as we all know life gives you what you need and I need to get out of my comfort zone.....I have avoided it for a long time. Kicking and screaming and holding on by my nails....but I have finally let go.
Scared you ask....OMGosh I am sooooo scared!!!! Moving forward into a place you don't want to go, doing things you don't want to do, and with not much confidence in the outcome...YEP...I am scared.
But....it is time. So wish me luck!!
2013 brought about some really hard times for me. I was divorced on February 13th (the day before Valentines day) if Valentines Day wasn't hard enough, now it's eve is my divorce date...wow...LOL
The end of my marriage was devastating and the pain unbearable at times.
I lost my home, and what little independence I had. But so thankful for my sweet daughter Nicole and her husband T-Bone for giving me and Cody a warm, safe, wonderful place to stay until we were back on our feet again. They will never know how grateful we are for their love, hospitality and generosity.
But there were good things as well......I have gained a much better relationship with all of my children. Not the one I had in my head but the real kind. Perfect...nope...real...yes! I love them with all my heart and soul.
I made some new friends. They have brought so much sunshine into my life. I reconnect with a few friends from the past, bringing with them wonderful childhood memories that I had forgotten. I reconnected with family (my ex-husband and his wonderful family) that I thought might be lost but their hearts are big and they are still in my life. We are just finding new ways to connect.
I have really seen with my heart and not my eyes what is important and what I can let go of that was just cluttering up my mind and heart, taking away attention from what really matters.
The out pouring of love and support that I received in my darkest hours. Some from people that I never would have imagined even cared.
My eyes were opened to many of my own flaws, some needed fixing, some are just part of who I am.
I realized what I really wanted from my relationship with my Savior. And what I want and don't want in form of religion. This one was the most gut wrenching by far.
I made a bucket list instead of a New Years Resolution List......
Bucket List 2013
1.
2. To see the leaves change in the fall in Vermont.
3. To see "The Forgotten Carols".
4. To see the "Celtic Women" perform.
5. Hot Air Balloon Ride
That's enough for now. I am 52 and a few of these are going to take a lot of time and saving.
I only achieved one, but that's ok.... Thanks to a very sweet friend. I was treated to dinner and "The forgotten Carols" by my dear friend Regina Essex. What a wonderful experience that was. It touched my heart so much.
My list has changed a little for this year.....
Bucket List 2014
1. Alaskan Cruise (this will never change) as it is my hearts desire to see Alaska and to get there by way of a cruise ship.
2.To serve more. To not scatter myself all over dipping my toes into this and that. But to find a cause I truly believe in and that touches my heart and soul (not that they are not all worthy because they are), and then give it all I have. Really make a difference in a group or organization using my abilities and talents to help change the lives of others.
3. To grow closer to my Savior. To seek him through prayer and build a one on one relationship with him. To hopefully find out what it is I am here for. To make sure I thank him daily for all my blessings.
4. To reach out to family and friends...to give and assist where and when I am needed. To give back to all those who have been there for me. I would list you all, but there are too many to mention.
5. To take better care of my health. This one will be soooooooo challenging. As I am a stress eater. And with all the hard challenges ahead of me, I know I will naturally turn to food in my most weakest and scary moments.....I guess forgiving myself and not giving up will be a big part of this.
2014 is going to be ONE BIG CHALLENGE....but so was 2013. I am still here, still breathing, a little bruised, but still here. So I know I can get through anything......but not roller coasters.....on those I puke...LOL
Happy New Year to all those that take the time to read this.....and to those that don't. Thank you to all that were a part of my 2013...good or bad. You helped mold me, you help me to see that forgiveness is possible on both sides. You helped me to see I can give help but can also ask for it as well (that is a hard one for many of us). You helped me through divorce, homelessness, joblessness, feeling unwanted, unloved and unneeded.
May your cup runneth over with all the most beautiful of blessings. Wish you a 2014 that is over the top amazing!!!
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