Wow....everyday I learn something new about someone in my life. Lately it has been me!!!
1. I have learned......I am a good friend. When I love you I will do just about anything I can for you. I believe that is one of our soul purposes on earth. To reach out, to love, to help, to care for others. I go out my way for a stranger and if you are a personal friend, or family member I will go to the ends of the earth for you. But I have also learned not everyone shows their friendship the same way I do. I have learned to be open for all kinds of friendships and different ways people show kindness and affection. There is not just ONE WAY!
2. I have learned that I am not as strong as many think, but I am also not as weak as I think. I have been through so many horrible things in my life. Starting at the age of about 5 years old. I have gotten through every single one of them. So I know I am strong, but I am tired. I need some peace where there isn't something to get through.....just for awhile!!!
3. I have always been a perfectionist. Things needed to be done my way for them to turn out right. After much trial and error and observing others with the same affliction I now know there is no such thing as JUST ONE WAY! Something that happened over the holidays opened my eyes wide to this. I am working very hard on not being perfect...LOL...aren't you all glad....LOL
4. I have a tender heart, even though I try not to let it show. I also have tender feelings and I am working on that as well. I now know the difference between someone hurting my feelings and getting my feelings hurt. Sometimes people will hurt your feelings. They mean it, and it is intentional. But then there are times when an innocent remark or action can be just that...innocent. But I let it hurt me, I internalize it when it was nothing at all. Just left over hurts and scars from childhood that still need some balm and work. But I am getting better at it.
5. I am getting pretty good at forgiveness. I am really proud of that one. I work on it daily. Hurt my feelings and I will forgive. Break my heart and I am pretty much going to get on a plane to the back woods of Louisiana and find me a voodoo Priest to make me a voodoo doll of you and have fun poking pins into it. Mess with my feelings but not my heart.....LOL
6. I expect a lot from people. I expect honesty, loyalty, and kindness from my friends and family. But I expect it because I give it. But I also know to expect anything in life is to be a fool.
7. You never know when a kindness will come your way, and who might be the giver. I have had such kindness in the last 2 years from someone I had not expected it from at all. She really is a thoughtful person and her kindness has meant so much to me. But I totally didn't expect it. I didn't give this amazing young woman enough credit and I am sorry for that.
8. I have found that sometimes you just have to let people be. They would rather roll around in the pain than except anything from anyone. No wonder they say "Pride goeth before the fall" . It is not just drug addicts and such that have to hit rock bottom. It is your everyday person that thinks they can do it all, and handle it all on their own with no help from anyone. I know because at one time that was me. But I finally got a clue. I let God and my close inner circle help me when I can't take another step. And in turn I try to be there for my family and friends when they are having trouble getting back up. For some it takes a long time. They will push you away and cloak themselves in their stubborn pride. But I will be there when they finally see that it is OK to reach out and it is OK to accept help.
9. I am not a big risk taker. I get scared....and I hate that I get scared. But it is what it is and it is part of who I am. I am trying to do one thing a month that is out of my comfort zone. Maybe by the end of the year I will have a little more courage and a lot less fear.
10. I love being a part of a team. At work at play and in my personal life. I want a partner here on earth to grow old with. Though my trust-o-meter is not in great shape, I am also not willing to give up on love either. I will be a little more careful next time...OK A LOT more careful. Though my heart still has stitches it is working out each day to get better and be ready when that wonderful, honorable, sweet person comes my way.
11. I value trust over many things. Though I am faaaaaaaaar from perfect and I have many flaws. I DO NOT LIE!! And I have a big problem with liars. I DO NOT CHEAT....at anything or on anyone and I have no respect for anyone that does. Sorry if that seems harsh but at this point in my life it is how I feel. But things change, hearts soften and as we grow we are less critical. My life experiences have brought me to this point......it can change.
12. Life is messy, and fun, and hard and easy and bright and dark, and funny, and sad, and painful and joyful. Life is all of that and more. One day it is up and the next it is sideways. But it is the only one we have. I am going to try really, really hard not to let fear and pain be my compass. I am going to continue to learn and grow, make mistakes, forgive, reach out, mess up, have do overs, skip in the rain, watch a sun rise over the mountains, love, cry, dance and sing (though I am not very good at those last two I am going to do them anyway). I am going to continue to blog about my feelings and my life's journey even though some have told me I shouldn't. For those I say...then don't read it. I am not being mean, I am not pointing fingers. I am just talking about my thoughts, my life, my feelings, my journey. If you don't want to read about it, talk about it, or listen to me talk about it that is OK. But I am going to continue to talk about it. It helps me to write about my life. Your opinion of me is none of my business.
I have so many wonderful supportive, kind, loving people in my life. I am blessed by them and to have a Savior that forgives me for all my stupid screw ups, and loves me anyway. My children and grandchildren are everything to me. And God is above all!! Wonder what I will think about what I just wrote when I come back and read it a year from now.....where will my life be. What new things will I have learned about me and the people in my life.....
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